no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Houston, we have a squirter
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
