When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
