I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
