i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
