the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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