Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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