I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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