And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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