i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
