I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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