Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
