I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
