My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
