i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
