I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize