I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Randomize
