guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
