Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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