i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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