i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
