i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
