you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
