Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
