I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
