Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize