I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
