And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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