You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
