I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
