Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
