please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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