God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
