I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
