wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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