she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
