The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
