so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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