Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As shirtless as possible
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
