somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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