dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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