Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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