You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
