The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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