you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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