y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
