I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
