Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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