i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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