Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
