Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
