Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so let's talk penis.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
