Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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