just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
