My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
