I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
