I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
