theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
