you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
