Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
