remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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