Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
