I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
