You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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