so explain again why im purple
no
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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