Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
