at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
