Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
