They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
