I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
