Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize