I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
