I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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