I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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