TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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