i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
