How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
