You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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