This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
