Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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