There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
