i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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