I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
