WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
