Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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