I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
