don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize