I should be sponsored by Trojan
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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