Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
