her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize