I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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