I want to make a zoo with you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
