where am i from again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
