I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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